Seven years
by aonalion
Summary: Kenzan and Jim finally meet again after seven long years. They were in love back at DA, but Jim left and never looked back. What will happen now? Jim X Kenzan, yaoi/shounen-ai
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This is sort of a sequel to my fic 'Just say stop', but you don't have to read it to get what's going on :)

* * *

Kenzan brushed his fingers through his short hair and looked out over the sea of people. They were mostly elderly couples and families with small children. The children weren't in a very good mood; it was hot, they were bored and they had been going around the huge dig all day.

"Okay people, listen up!" Kenzan shouted to be heard. The people stopped their small-talk and looked at him expectantly. "We're about to enter the newest part of our dig here by the mountains. This part of our dig is, as I said, completely new and therefore held by a new professor. His name is, uh…" Kenzan scratched his neck and smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry; he really is completely new here. Hang on a second." he reached down and grabbed his back pack, searching for the brochure with information. He got it and started flipping through it, in search of the newest edit. "Ah, here it is. The name of our newest professor is Jim… 'Crocodile' Cook," his voice got smaller and smaller until it was nothing but a whisper. He stared at the name in disbelief, his mind going completely blank.

"Hello, mates!" a cheerful voice said form somewhere behind him. "Name's Jim 'Crocodile' Cook, but ya'll can just call me Jim! Now, who wants to…" he trailed off as he saw who this group of people's guide was.

Jim stared at Kenzan; the world seemed to slow down as his mind sped up. Millions of questions went through his head so fast he hardly had any time to think about them separately. He'd recognized Kenzan the moment he laid eyes on him, of course, even though he looked slightly different. He had cut off his dreadlocks, his hair was now short and spiky and seemed darker than before; he was a bit taller than Jim remembered but still had the same muscular build, which showed off under the guide t-shirt he was wearing.

Kenzan reacted a bit differently from Jim when he saw the cowboy; he mind went blank and he couldn't form a single coherent thought. Jim had changed as well, yet there was something familiar about him that made Kenzan's heart flutter. He had a new cowboy hat, and Kenzan thought at first that he had cut his hair as well, but then he saw that he'd actually grown it and collected it in a loose pony-tail in the back of his neck. He didn't have bandages over his eyes, but an eye patch instead, and similar clothes, but a dark green scarf instead of the orange one Kenzan remembered.

"Uh, so… Right, now, who want to go check out the new dig?" Jim forced himself to say and broke off the eye contact with Kenzan, turning to the crowd instead. "We found some dinosaur bones this morning…!"

The children cheered and dragged their parents inside the large tent which protected the dig from the weather. Jim stayed outside, waiting for all of the people to go inside; Kenzan walked at the back of the crowd. He stopped in front of Jim, both of them looking in each other's eyes for the longest time.

"Hey," Jim said softly. "It's nice to see you again. I missed you." Kenzan didn't reply, so Jim carried on, a bit insecure now. "You… cut your hair."

Kenzan's reply took a while. "… And you grew yours. I almost didn't recognize you." That was a lie, of course. He could never forget Jim, not to mention _not_ recognize him. They both looked away, a strained silence falling over them. "Well… we've still got work to do."

"Yeah… I never thought I'd find you in a place like this, mate. What happened to dueling? I thought you loved it."

"Yeah, well… life doesn't always turn out the way you intended," Kenzan said, still not meeting Jim's eyes. He turned around with a deep sigh and followed the group of tourists into the tent, leaving Jim by himself for a few moments. He frowned after Kenzan but said nothing, feeling that something wasn't right.

Jim went in as well just in time to hear Kenzan cough slightly and say:

"Alright, everyone, while we're in here professor Cook will be in charge, so I want you all to listen to him and do as he says," he swept out with his hand towards Jim, who had a small grimace on his face from being called 'Professor Cook'. He shrugged it off and took a step forward.

"That's right, but please, call me Jim," he shot Kenzan a playful look. Some of the tourists chuckled, but Kenzan growled under his breath and looked away. "Now, if ya'll could listen for a sec, I'd like to go through the security here since this _is_ a dig, and there are a few things to keep in mind…"

* * *

"Kenzan!"

Kenzan hid a grimace and turned around to face Jim. He came half-running across the dirt path which led from the dig to the small settlement down the hill. It wasn't more than two dozens of smaller tents and a bigger one where they ate, but the town wasn't any further away than two hours. Jim stopped in front of Kenzan and lifted his hat to be able to wipe the sweat off his forehead.

"It's hot," he grinned. Kenzan chose not to comment on that. "So, uh… What are you doing here, _really_?"

"What do you mean?"

They started walking towards the settlement again.

"I honestly thought you were going for the Pro leagues, mate. Didn't you want to duel professionally, get rich and famous, and shoot for the stars…?" he smiled, but Kenzan didn't answer and looked at the ground. "But… what happened to the rest of the gang? What happened to Judai?"

"I don't know, I− … I met him a couple of years ago. He came here actually, to this dig." Jim raised his eyebrows, not because Judai came to the dig, but because Kenzan obviously had been working here for quite some time now. "He was just as surprised to see me as I was to see him. He didn't stay long though. We dueled once, and then he was gone. Knowing him, he's off at some new adventure somewhere." He smiled bitterly, but then blinked and actually looked at Jim. "What about you? Where's Karen?"

Jim inhaled sharply.

"Sh-she passed away a few years ago."

Kenzan's eyes immediately widened.

"Oh Jim, I−" he reached out his hand towards Jim's arm, but stopped himself before he actually touched him. He looked away. "I'm sorry. How di−… how?"

"Old age. We've known each other for more than ten years, and I knew it would happen sooner or later, I just− … It was a good death, peaceful."

"I'm glad."

They walked under silence for a while, the settlement growing bigger and bigger as it got closer. The surroundings were stunning, but mostly rock and cliffs; the vegetation, nothing but withered old trees, and small dry bushes. It was a large valley with high mountains on each side, where hot and cold air constantly collided, and created thunderstorms which roared through the valley like gunshots.

"I missed you."

The words were spoken softly, they were nothing but a whisper, yet they filled the air, making the thunder stop and the people by the settlement and the dig fall silent.

"So you've said."

"Come on, Kenzan… don't do this to me. Don't you dare tell me you didn't miss me." Kenzan didn't reply, didn't even look at Jim. He finally lost his temper and grabbed Kenzan by the wrist, making him stop and meet his eyes. He frowned, but Kenzan's expression was completely blank. Jim's grip tightened.

"You say you missed me, why didn't you contact me?" Kenzan finally said. Jim blinked and loosened his grip, but didn't let go. "It's been seven years. _Seven years_. And you didn't even try to contact me, do you know how much I−" he drew in a sharp breath and jerked his hand back but when Jim didn't say anything, he continued, his voice much lower now. "That didn't mean anything to you, did it? What we did, what we… what we had?" the last part came out insecure, in a low voice.

"Of course it meant something, how could you even think it didn't? Did you think I was just… using you or something?" Kenzan saw the sincerity in Jim's face and heard the hurt in his voice, and was about to apologize, but Jim was faster. "And you're complaining so much about how I didn't contact you, and yeah − you're right; I didn't. But did _you_ ever try to contact _me?_"

Kenzan jerked his head back slightly in shock − he hadn't, of course. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind; all he had thought about was how much it hurt when he heard nothing from Jim, week… after week… after week… Then life went on and he graduated from Duel Academy, moving from place to place and job to job, until he found something which paid off and wasn't too bad. He got to be outside, working with dinosaurs… or at least the remains of them.

Those careless days at Duel Academy and the card games they used to play were long gone.

He opened his mouth to defend himself, but yet again Jim was too fast.

"No, you didn't. So why are you so damn mad about it? I should be just as mad _you_ didn't contact _me_, only… I'm not." Jim shrugged a little, the anger disappearing from his voice. "I'm just… happy to see you again. I really am."

Kenzan said nothing. He refused to admit he had missed Jim, which he had. So much it still hurt.

Jim looked at him with softness in his eyes, but Kenzan stared back with slightly gritted teeth, both hearing the faint sound of thunder far away and the bell by the dining-tent which signaled it was time for dinner.

"But _why_ didn't you contact me?" Kenzan demanded to know without being able to stop himself.

"You said it yourself; life doesn't always turn out the way you intended! Things happen. Life happens." Jim had backed away now; he and Kenzan stood several feet away from each other, both in defensive positions.

"What you're saying is that you moved on."

"I didn't! - I didn't move on, I just…"

"Moved on."

"Why the hell are you doing this, Kenzan? You said we had something, and you keep asking why I didn't contact you − why are you being so… stubborn?" Jim spat out the word, unable to think of another which fit Kenzan at the moment.

"Because I missed you, you unbelievable idiot!" Kenzan finally yelled. "I missed you so much it hurt! I still do and it still does!"

Jim blinked; his eyes fluttering in examination of Kenzan's features, but Kenzan clenched his fists and refused to meet Jim's eyes; silence falling over them again. Nothing was heard except faint talking from the dining-tent and distant thunder from the mountains.

"Why didn't you just say you did?"

"Because… b-because…" Why hadn't he done it? Because he was still mad at Jim for not hearing anything from him, that's why. But Jim had wanted _Kenzan_ to contact _him_, why wasn't he mad he hadn't? He said 'life had happened', yeah well, it had happened to Kenzan too and it wasn't −

"Why?"

"You're calling me stubborn, what about yourself?" Kenzan snapped, mad for not being able to think for five seconds in a row. "Stop asking me questions!"

"I just wanted to know why yo−"

"I don't know why! Stop asking me questions and just leave me alone!"

And with that, Kenzan turned around and started half-running down the hill towards the tents. He didn't run fast, unconsciously hoping Jim would follow and stop him. He didn't, though. If he had, Kenzan would probably just have been even madder at him anyway, but now when he didn't even try to set things right… that hurt even more.

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks to FanficFemale for betaing again!

Sorry 'bout the recent Fossilshipping spam. I know you love them! ;) This fic will be three chapters long, just fyi (but they are a bit longer than my normal chapters).

Also, I was thinking. If you want to add me on facebook, maybe you could request and suggest things more easily. And I'd love to just be able to talk to you guys! I love you guys, you know that, right? :D So my facebook/e-mail is **svenssontova at hotmail . com** ;) - replace 'at' with the damn sign (fanfictiondotnet won't show it) and remove the spaces! (Yes, that's me with the dreadlocks xD)


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Yay, a new chapter! Sorry it took so long, I had, err... beta issues. ^^" But yeah, all hail FanficFemale for betaing my works anyway!

And I have to admit I'm kinda sad not more people read this story, both since I really like it myself, and since I think Jim and Kenzan should get more love ^^

Oh and I changed the rating to **'M'**, just to play it safe :)

* * *

Kenzan was driving through the desert. The sun was just creeping up over the horizon and bathing everything in a pink and golden light. The desert was completely empty, vast, and the road went straight through it all, from horizon to horizon. Far behind him the settlement was lodged between the mountains, but Kenzan was quickly moving away from there.

He didn't want to stay there anymore, knowing Jim was there. He didn't want to face him again and explain his behavior.

Why had he acted the way he had? The truth was of course that he had missed Jim, and he was so happy to see him again. But along with that happiness, came the disappointment of being completely ignored for seven freaking years. He hadn't exactly forgotten Jim over the past years, but he had to admit it had hurt a lot more in the beginning. Then Kenzan had graduated and life moved on, he had new things to deal with and think about. He hadn't _forgotten_ Jim, just pushed him to the back of his mind where he wouldn't cause as much damage. But now all those feelings of disappointment and sadness came back. Actually, it hurt even more this time around, knowing Jim had thought about him during the past years but never actually made a move.

Kenzan sighed and ran his fingers through his short hair. The wind kept ruffling it since he had the roof down. The smell of the desert filled his nose; the air was still clear since it was so early but soon it would get hot and dusty again.

Then again, Kenzan hadn't made a move either. He had just waited for Jim to contact him. Why? Well, he was nervous for one. And shy, to his own surprise. He was practically never shy about anything, always straight-forward and practical with his feelings. Love had never interested him, not until he met Jim.

The memory brought a vague smile to Kenzan's face. He remembered the first time he saw Jim, the way his heart had skipped a beat the first time their eyes met… Kenzan remembered how he thought he was going sick, when he stared feeling light-headed and oddly hot all over.

He chuckled under his breath, but then seemed to realize what he was thinking. His smile faded.

But that was all long gone. It was like he had said; those careless days of Duel Monsters all the time back at Duel Academy were gone and forgotten. As were their adventures. It really seemed so distant now, like it never happened; it was all just a bad dream. Kenzan had several scars on his hands, arms and legs from working outside so much, but only a special few knew some of those scars actually came from his time in the other dimension, where they had to struggle to even be able to survive.

Eventually, Kenzan came back to civilization. He wasn't just escaping from work though, he did have an office at the local museum and that's where he went. It was a long time since he'd been there last and even though it felt a bit unaccustomed, it was nice with air-conditioner for a change.

He even managed to get there just when the museum was opening, and the receptionist – Madison – was busy with a crowd of newly arrived tourists. They filled up most of the lobby; in the middle the receptionist's desk stood, to the left was a stair to the upper floor and to the right the entrance to the actual museum. Kenzan waved vaguely in Madison's direction but she didn't even see him through the crowd, before he quickly disappeared into his own office to the right of the lobby and shut out the sound of the blabbering people.

There wasn't much in there; a desk with a computer, a chair and a couple of bookshelves filled with not only books but also a fairly large collection of different fossils and findings. There were a couple of bones, some shells, claws and teeth, and a fossil of a once beautiful flower. They were all part of Kenzan's private collection and he was glad he had them. On the desk several files and piles of papers lay.

Kenzan grimaced.

It was all paper-work he'd ignored the last time he was here, but with nothing better to do he might as well get all of the boring work done. Maybe he could take the afternoon off and go around the town for a change. He sat down with a sigh and started signing the papers and filing the reports, thankful for the monotonous work which effectively hindered him from thinking too much. Several hours passed by and Kenzan started feeling better, sitting there all alone in the quiet, chilly room. After signing one final transportation-report he stretched, rubbed his eyes and glanced at the clock. Then he looked again.

The display read 7:26 PM.

Kenzan groaned and dropped his head down, resting it in his hands and rubbing his forehead. How the hell had he managed to work for so damn long? He had been working all day, missing both lunch _and_ dinner! And of course, as soon as he realized that, his stomach started growling furiously, like it too hadn't realized until now how much time had passed. Kenzan groaned again, much more pained now, and stood up. He was actually a bit dizzy; missing out two meals must've done that to him.

With a sigh he turned off the computer and tidied up his work-space a little before switching off the lights. It wasn't too dark in the room when he had turned off the lights, but the sun was slowly setting outside his window.

The lobby was completely empty, even Madison had gone home. But then again, the museum had closed over an hour ago; it would've been weird if she stayed behind. Why hadn't she told Kenzan she was leaving for the night…? With an annoyed grunt and an eye-roll, Kenzan realized why; she hadn't even seen him coming in the first place! She had been busy with the tourists back in the morning and since Kenzan had stayed quiet in his office all day there was no way she could've even known he was there.

Well, that was just bloody typical. No one even noticed he was there.

Kenzan chuckled darkly and went for the front door. But there he stopped. Where were his keys? He felt around in his pockets for a while, gradually panicking more and more.

'Calm down!' He told himself. 'You had a jacket on when you came here this morning.'

Of course. The jacket.

He went back to his office, shaking his head. It must be the lack of food over the past hours that made him like that. Why would he otherwise panic over forgetting for just a moment where his keys were? His jacket was lying neatly over the chair, and as soon as he picked it up he began to search through the pockets, but no luck there either.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me…" Kenzan mumbled and was about to begin searching the room itself when he heard a noise from the lobby outside. He immediately became alert but froze where he stood to be able to hear better. It sounded like footsteps. It had to be either Madison or the cleaner of the museum.

Kenzan smiled and walked up to the door, pushing down the handle. As soon as he stepped out of his office he bumped right into something hard and lost his balance. He would've fallen over if it wasn't for one hand shooting out and grabbing his ankle, while another hand snuck around his waist, keeping him standing.

Jim looked surprised but then smiled. Kenzan was glad it was getting darker, and his slight blush probably wasn't visible; their faces were so close together. He couldn't do anything for a split second but stare – at the one visible, incredibly grey eye, filled with laughter and hidden mischief. Then he found the presence to close his mouth and managed to push himself away from Jim, who let go, but only reluctantly.

"What the hell are you doing here? Stop following me!" Kenzan snarled, pulling up his arms in a defensive position.

"Don't flatter yourself." Jim looked a bit embarrassed but still smiled. "I didn't _know_ you were here and I'm _not_ following you; Kurosawa asked me to do tours here today instead of at the dig. Apparently they found some bones from the Permian Era and didn't want any visitors while they examine the rest of the area."

"… Oh." Was all Kenzan could think of to say. "… You don't happen to have a key, do you?"

"Actually, no." He sounded a bit sheepish and by now Kenzan was sure he saw a pink tint on Jim's cheeks too. "I was just looking around to see if someone else was still here."

"And?"

"Just you and me, mate."

"Wonderful."

Jim chuckled a bit but then silence fell between them. They didn't even look at each other. Or rather; Kenzan was desperately trying to avoid eye-contact while Jim studied him from the corner of his eye. After a while, Kenzan simply closed his eyes.

He didn't _need_ this right now. The whole point of coming here had been to get away from Jim for at least a while, so he didn't have to think about their relationship. Did they even have a relationship? They definitely weren't friends, not anymore. Not lovers either.

Kenzan's mind rushed off before he could stop himself.

Jim had been his first, and – to be completely honest – only one. It was the night before Jim and the other transfer students were supposed to be going back home to their respective Academies. Judai and Johan had decided it was a good idea to throw a good-bye party, and everyone had agreed. Everyone but Kenzan.

He didn't want to see the other students leave – why wouldn't they just stay at Duel Academia? And he definitely didn't want Jim to leave, even though he never really knew why at the point. So Kenzan had been hiding down by the ocean, not willing to see Jim for a final time and let him say good bye. But of course Jim had found him and he had done something amazing – not only had he kissed him right there on the spot – but he had taken it to his private room and taken it a step further, forever claiming Kenzan as his own. And Kenzan had realized he had been in love with Jim all that time without even knowing it.

The next day Jim left and their night together was nothing but a memory. And the days passed by, weeks, months, and finally years. Kenzan grimaced as he thought about it and fought back – not anger as he would've thought – but sadness and disappointment.

"Hey." The soft voice was enough to startle Kenzan out of his inner musings, and he opened his eyes. He could tell Jim was watching him but still wouldn't look back. "You hungry?" Jim asked and held up an energy bar.

Kenzan realized his stomach must've growled again and blushed against his own will. "… Oh yeah. Thanks." He accepted the bar without any further comment and began munching it down.

"So," Jim said and studied Kenzan as he ate. He reminded him of a reptile when he ate, in a weird sort of way. What was even weirder was that Jim couldn't help but find it adorable. "Looks like we're stuck here, mate."

"Why don't we just call the receptionist?" Kenzan wondered between bites.

"Yes, of course." Kenzan could've sworn Jim sounded disappointed, but the cowboy quickly pulled up his cell-phone and frowned at it. "I'm not getting any bars." When he looked up at Kenzan, said person shrugged and said:

"I don't have a cell-phone. Try the landline at the reception."

"Huh? Yeah, sure…"

Jim moved away from Kenzan for the first time and Kenzan was finally able to get away from the doorway, where he had been standing for the past few minutes. He conscientiously closed the door behind himself before walking up to Jim, who was currently going back and forth between staring at the phone in his hand, pressing random buttons and twisting the cord between his fingers.

"What's the matter? You can't figure out how it works?"

Jim chose to ignore the sarcasm. "No… I'm not getting anything, not even a dial-tone."

"Oh Spirits no…" Kenzan said and swallowed down the last bit of the bar. He was still hungry. But, ignoring that, he went to the front door again and looked out through the windows. It was definitely getting darker now, you could even see a few stars in the velvet sky, but not a single street-light was lit up from what Kenzan could see. Indeed, the whole town seemed dark.

"Must be a power failure." Jim said. He had sneaked up from behind and stood close to Kenzan now, which Kenzan hadn't been expecting at all. He jumped slightly.

"Would you stop sneaking up on me?" he hissed, twirling around to face a surprised Jim.

"I wasn't sneaking up on you! And whaddaya mean, 'stop doing it', I haven't even done it once!"

"Whatever!" Kenzan turned back around and walked a few steps away, crossing his arms and glaring at the floor.

"'Whatever'?" Kenzan smirked even though he knew he shouldn't, and he desperately wanted to turn around to be able to see Jim's face as he obviously struggled with himself. "Kenzan, you…! I just– you won't even… I wanted to…! Aaargh!"

He could hear Jim sigh and take several deep breaths before continuing.

"Okay look, Kenzan… you're driving me insane." Kenzan could practically see the vein pulsing on Jim's forehead. "Why are you making this so hard? You're just being so damn stubborn! I missed you so much, and you obviously missed me too, why can't we just get along and be friends?"

Kenzan tried to ignore the stab in his heart at the word 'friends', but failed.

"… Okay, I get it. You came here because you needed time to think, right? Please don't tell me you were just trying to get away from me."

"… Yeah, I needed time to think." Kenzan finally said. It was the truth; he never fully intended on escaping Jim and never seeing him again, even he knew that was just a stupid idea which would never work out in the long run.

"And that's fine! If you need time to think, I'll give you time. Just let me know before, alright?"

Kenzan turned half-way around just in time to see Jim sweep out with his hands and shrug slightly. He looked sincere.

But did he really want to be just friends? Did _Kenzan_ really want to be just friends? Kenzan thought about it and he realized he had no idea what he felt for Jim anymore. They had been friends, and then lovers… and then what? He had been mad at Jim for leaving but secretly still loved him, and he had continued doing so for a very long time. But now, seven years later? Jim had definitely caught him off guard when he had showed up yesterday. And the whole point of coming here this morning hadn't only been to be able to get away from Jim, but also to be able to think about their relationship. And instead, Kenzan had worked the entire day away.

"What are we?" he finally asked and turned around. Jim had a wrinkle between his eyebrows but seemed happy Kenzan actually spoke to him. "I mean, we're not friends or lovers…" the word came out a bit strained, it felt odd to talk about it."… so what are we?"

Jim's eyes widened a little before he slowly closed them again in a pained grimace. Kenzan waited patiently, curious as to what Jim thought.

"We _could_ be friends?" Jim tried after finally opening his eyes again, but Kenzan simply crossed his arms and raised one eyebrow. "No? Okay, well… I loved you back at Duel Academia. I really did, you have to believe me. And I missed you so much it hurt when I got back to South Academia, but… I had my reasons for not contacting you. And you have to believe that too."

"But you're not going to tell me what reasons you had."

It wasn't a question. Jim answered anyway.

"No, I– … I'd rather not think about it."

"You realize what you're asking of me, right?"

"I know, I know!" Jim said and looked so pained Kenzan started to feel bad. "Please believe me!"

Kenzan opened his mouth to say something but then closed it again. The wave of rage which had almost disappeared suddenly came sweeping back, mercilessly. No! Jim left for _seven years_ and wouldn't even tell him why? And he said he used to love him, did that mean he didn't have any feelings at all anymore?

"No! Seriously, no! I can't do it!" Kenzan yelled, swept out with his hands and stomped his foot in the floor. Jim looked heartbroken but Kenzan didn't care anymore. He was starting to feel something he hadn't felt in years, something ancient and deep and furious building up inside him. By the time he realized what it was he was too mad to care – his Dino-DNA was activating for the first time in years.

"Kenzan, please…" Jim pleaded. Kenzan could've sworn his visible eye was starting to fill up.

"No! Shut up! Unless you're going to tell me why you left me I won't listen to you anymore!"

Kenzan snarled to himself, turned around and started walking, heading for his office. He was just going to wait there until the morning, until Madison would come back and let them out of there or at least until the power came back on and he could call someone. Sure, he was hungry but he had survived much worse. And Jim… Kenzan didn't care about him at the moment. Again, he wasn't just escaping; he still needed time to think. After all Jim had done towards him he still couldn't just forget him, he had been his first and only true love.

"I was raped!"

Kenzan froze. His eyes were wide, his breathing had practically stopped.

"Kenzan… I was raped, okay? I was… was…"

Slowly, his whole body jerking as if in protest, Kenzan managed to turn around just in time to see Jim slump forward, his knees hitting the cold floor first, followed by his palms, and then a few precious tears.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Oh my Gods, I am so sorry for procastinating this chapter for such a long time! And leaving you with that horrible cliff-hanger! D':

* * *

Kenzan couldn't move.

He desperately wanted to move over there where Jim was and get close to him. Maybe hold him. Yes, hold him was a good idea. Because Jim had fallen over on the floor and stood on his hands and knees, a few silent tears escaping his eye and falling down on the tiles beneath him. His usual cowboy-hat had fallen off his head, which would have been funny if it wasn't so sad, and a few strands of his long black hair fell down in his face.

Then a violent sob tore through Jim's chest and the spell over Kenzan seemed to lift. At once, he was kneeling down close to Jim, putting his hands on the cowboy's shoulders. Jim's whole body was stiff and didn't seem to react to Kenzan being there at all. Cautiously and gently, Kenzan shook Jim slightly but didn't get any real response.

"… Jim?" Kenzan finally managed to whisper, once he'd found his voice.

The sound of Kenzan's voice drew a tiny gasp from Jim's lips and before Kenzan knew it, Jim practically tackled him, winding his arms around Kenzan's waist and nearly squeezing all the air out of his lungs. He buried his face in the dinosaur fan's shoulder and started crying so hard his entire body shook. But it only took a split second for Kenzan to recover, then he threw his arms around Jim and hugged him back, so tight he was a bit afraid of hurting him, but at the moment he didn't care.

Kenzan had never seen Jim cry before, and he had never seen a grown man cry before either. The experience of those two things at once proved to be a bit too much, and big salty tears started rolling down Kenzan's cheeks too, without him being able to stop it. He dug his fingers into Jim's back and lowered his head onto Jim's shoulder as they cried together.

However, Kenzan didn't just cry because Jim did. He also cried because he had missed Jim so much that it hurt and he was still so mad at him that he didn't know what to do with himself. He felt powerless, in more than one way.

And except for the brief moment yesterday when Jim had seized his wrist, and this evening when Jim had caught him in the middle of a fall, _this_ was the first time they actually touched in years. That time, Kenzan had spent the night in Jim's room, lying close to him without sleeping the whole night, afraid that when the dawn would come Jim would leave and never come back. Oh, how right he had been. But Jim hadn't slept that night either; he had his arms around Kenzan, telling him over and over how he didn't want to leave when the morning came, but he had to. And he had told him how much he loved him, before kissing him softly on the forehead. When the morning came they had gotten up and gone down to the docks, where Kenzan waved Jim goodbye. They hadn't kissed, hadn't hugged, not even held hands. The pain would have been too much.

And then Jim had left.

So this was the first time in seven years they had truly been close, and now Jim was desperately holding onto Kenzan, while Kenzan clung to Jim as if he was about to drown.

Eventually, Kenzan stopped crying, while a few sobs still tore through Jim's body. Kenzan lessened his grip and felt Jim do the same, but he still didn't pull away completely. Slowly, Kenzan started rubbing big soothing circles on Jim's back, while humming deep down in his throat and gently rocking them both back and forth. He didn't exactly have any experience comforting people, but he let his mind go and did whatever felt best.

After a while he almost thought Jim fell asleep, but then he let out something between a groan and a sigh and straightened up a bit. His head rose until his face was in level with Kenzan's, nothing but centimeters away. He looked horrible; his eye was red and his nose too, and his entire face was swollen. Kenzan couldn't think of anything more heartbreaking he'd seen in his entire life. But the Jim suddenly blinked.

"Why are _you_ crying?" he cawed, his voice completely destroyed from crying so hard for so long.

Kenzan stared. Then he let out a hoarse laugh, much to both his and Jim's surprise.

"What…? Do you think that… if you're crying, I'm not crying too?"

A few quiet tears rolled down Jim's cheeks and Kenzan quickly brought up his hands to the cowboy's face, gently rubbing the tears away and making Jim relax. Jim closed his eye again with a soft sigh and Kenzan had to fight the urge not to simply lean forward and kiss him on the forehead or even the lips. Trying to break that urge, Kenzan let go of Jim's cheeks and grabbed his arms instead, tugging at him.

"Come on. Time to get up," Kenzan said softly and managed to both stand up straight himself and pull Jim up in the process. Jim didn't quite seem to have control over his own body, but Kenzan supported him. He managed to move them both over to the stairs, where he sat Jim down before taking a seat himself, sitting down one step up so that Jim could lean against him comfortably. He did, with another sigh, and Kenzan laid his arms around Jim's shoulders.

They sat there for a while, trying to catch their breaths. It was dark outside now, but the moon had risen and lit the lobby with a pale light. The power still seemed to be out, and the entire city lay still under the darkness.

Jim was the first one to break the silence.

"I'm sorry I broke down like that." His voice still wasn't completely restored yet.

"You're sor– Jim!" Kenzan practically shouted. Jim's body jerked a bit in shock before Kenzan managed to grab onto his shoulders and turn him half-way around so they were face to face again. "You tell me who made you cry, I'll find him… _and then I'll make him cry_." His Dino-DNA activated the moment he said that; his eyes went yellow and his pupils stretched out until they looked like the ones of a cat – but only for a split second; then everything went back to normal.

Jim looked shocked, but then a tiny, tiny smile made its way onto his face.

"Thank you." He almost whispered, but then broke free of Kenzan's grip and turned back, settling against Kenzan's side again. It took a while before he said anything again. "Do you remember… how I always said that… that I didn't want to go back to South Academia?" Kenzan nodded but didn't say anything; he didn't want to interrupt Jim now when he was actually talking. "Don't get me wrong, I…" he gave up a laugh which immediately turned into a cough."… I knew I'd miss you so much… but there was another reason I didn't want to go back."

"Jim… what are you talking about?" Kenzan asked, an ominous feeling starting to build up inside him.

"South Academia is horrible. There's no other word that can describe it. I– … South Academia is only for boys, and only the toughest of the toughest gets in. The girls are considered too weak." He paused. "But not having girls around… for three years is… and when things get out of control… th-they…" he choked and went quiet, his body trembling slightly again. Kenzan tightened his hold around Jim's shoulders.

Kenzan felt sick. Really, physically sick. What kind of person would do that? What kind of school was like that? Surely the teachers would notice something sooner or later, apparently it had been going on for a long time, and yet they didn't do something? And what kind of excuse was that, that they didn't have any girls so it was okay to just… just… Women weren't just sex-objects, but by the way Jim described things it sounded as if everything would be okay if they simply brought some girls to the school. Kenzan knew Jim didn't mean it like that but it still sickened him.

"Jim, I… I don't… How could your classmates do that to you?"

"Oh, it wasn't a classmate."

Jim said it so casually but at that point Kenzan was on the verge of throwing up. He took several deep but shaky breaths; closed his eyes and forced himself to calm down. Then he opened his eyes again and slid down on the step Jim was sitting, so he could hug him more comfortably. He buried his face into Jim's shoulder and drew in the smell of him; it was still the same after all those years, like a jungle after a heavy rain. But he couldn't think of anything to say, or anything to do really, that could make everything better. It seemed impossible. And he was starting to feel so bad over being such a jerk; he had only cared about himself and never about what had happened to Jim.

Jim didn't have any tears left; Kenzan cried for the both of them.

"Why are _you_ crying Kenzan?" Jim finally said, and to Kenzan's surprise his voice was filled with poorly hidden laughter. Kenzan freed himself from Jim's grip – even though they still had their arms around each other – and found that Jim was indeed smiling, albeit weakly.

"Because… I didn't… you never said… and I…" Kenzan practically gasped and grasped Jim's shirt tighter. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." Kenzan opened his mouth to protest but Jim continued. "You couldn't have known. I should've told you from the beginning, you have the right to know."

"I do?"

"Of course you do. Kenzan, I –" Jim drew in a sharp breath but went quiet. He looked so distressed again and Kenzan couldn't help but reach up and brush a few strands of hair away from his face. Kenzan's hand went down again but landed somewhere on the juncture between Jim's neck and shoulder, while Jim reached up and gently cupped Kenzan's cheek, rubbing circles on his smooth skin and drawing a soft sound from him.

"Jim…" Kenzan murmured as said person closed in more and more. He had meant for it to be a warning, but found that his own voice sounded incredibly husky even to his own ears. His eyelids suddenly felt like they weighed a ton and slowly fell shut.

"Mmm…?" Jim sounded a bit amused.

"This isn't…" he trailed off as he realized he could feel Jim's breath on his lips, making them tingle. He gulped and tried again. "…We shouldn't… nhgnn…" He couldn't think, let alone speak as Jim's lips lightly brushed over his own, sending a jolt of pleasure through his body.

"No." Kenzan then said and pushed Jim away from himself, not violently but firmly. He still had his hand on Jim's shoulder though, and Jim didn't seem to want to remove his from Kenzan's cheek. "I… We can't do this. It's not right."

Jim's thumb brushed over his cheek again and Kenzan gulped, his eyes fluttering over Jim's face.

"I'm sorry," Jim whispered.

"Me too," Kenzan whispered back. He closed his eyes in a pained grimace. "God, why is this so _hard?_"

Jim chuckled softly. "I take it you haven't practiced, then?"

"… Well…" Kenzan's head dropped forward until he touched Jim's forehead with his own. They stayed like that for a while. "I did date a couple of girls, and one or two guys, once I had left Duel Academia. It never turned into something real, though; I don't think I got any further than the third date. You?"

"I dated a few girls before I came to Duel Academia, before I met you. But nothing since then. Nothing since –"

"Don't say it."

"Sorry."

It was odd; it didn't feel strange talking about dating other people so casually with the one who had been his first true love. It felt natural, like they both had the right to know what happened to the other during all those years. And Jim saying he hadn't dated anyone since Kenzan did warm, although it was a bit ruined by the reason.

"And stop saying you're sorry."

"I know, I'm sor–"

"Stop it!" Kenzan said with a laugh, and Jim chuckled too. They pulled away from each other and simply gazed into each other's eyes for a moment. Or rather, Kenzan looked into Jim's visible eye, which was still a bit red from crying.

"I want you back so badly."

The words were spoken softly, barely above a whisper, but they scared the living hell out of Kenzan. He wasn't quite sure why though; the general response to someone saying that they wanted you should be joy, right? But Kenzan felt like he couldn't breathe as Jim's words settled in his mind before exploding into a million questions. He wanted him… back? What was that supposed to mean, did he want to be friends or something more? Not too long ago – Kenzan had lost his time perception when he cried – Jim had said they _could_ be friends. But just now he had tried to kiss him. And succeeded, more or less.

Kenzan vaguely realized he was holding his breath but couldn't find the presence to actually start breathing again. He also realized Jim was watching him with a mix of terror and sadness, but Kenzan was busy with his own thoughts at the moment. Let's say, for the sake of the argument Kenzan was holding with himself, that Jim really _did_ want him back – did Kenzan want to go back? _Could_ he go back after seven years of disappointment and anger? But then Kenzan remembered what Jim had said the previous day; _'I should be just as mad you didn't contact me, only I'm not. I'm just happy to see you again.'_ Maybe that was what true love was. Letting go of all bad things that happened to you as a couple and enjoy the simple, short moments you had together. Was Kenzan being selfish? Was he being selfish to only care about what had happened to him during the past years? _'Of course!'_ was the surprisingly direct answer his brain screamed to him. Love is forgetting about your own troubles and helping your partner when they needed it. And Jim really needed him right now.

Kenzan's fright must've seeped out into his eyes because Jim suddenly cupped Kenzan's other cheek too, effectively holding him in place and preventing him from moving away. His eye went back and forth between Kenzan's, which were slightly wide in shock.

"No, please…" he pleaded."I-I didn't want to scare you, I just wanted to, you know, but I had to tell you if we never…" the words came out of his mouth so fast Kenzan had a hard time hearing what he said. "… and I really didn't mean to put any pressure on you or –"

Kenzan leaned forward almost a little too fast and painfully crashed their lips together in a bruising kiss, cutting of Jim mid-sentence but releasing a whimper from his throat instead. The sound tore at Kenzan's heart but right now the only thing he could think to make it better was to kiss Jim, so kiss him he did. Jim let go of his cheeks and threw his arms around Kenzan's neck instead, while Kenzan wound his arms around Jim's waist, pulling him as close as possible.

"M'sorry." Jim mumbled into his mouth, pressing their tongues together. Kenzan only moaned softly and let Jim do as he pleased, completely lost in the sensation that was purely Jim; it was all he had remembered all those long lonely nights, and so much more. "I'm sorry," Jim said and broke away, meeting Kenzan's eyes. Then he leaned forward and placed a kiss on Kenzan's forehead. "I really am." Another one on his cheek. "I'm sorry." His lips brushed by the corner of Kenzan's mouth.

"I'm sorry too," Kenzan whispered and kissed Jim again, lightly this time, before rubbing the tips of their noses together. Jim smiled ever so slightly, and the sight made the dinosaur fan smile too. "I missed you so much," Kenzan said and nearly choked.

"I missed you too. I –" he drew in a sharp breath but then continued anyway. "I still love you."

"… I love you too." It took Kenzan a moment to get the words out, but that moment was only there because he needed them to realize how true they were. And seeing Jim's face light up with nothing but pure and utter happiness was enough for any doubts to be washed away. Kenzan pulled Jim close and buried his face into the cowboy's shoulder, drawing in the scent of him again. And Jim wound his arms around Kenzan's body, holding him tight as if he was afraid to let go because of the possibility of losing him again.

Kenzan couldn't believe how he could live without this for seven years. Right now it seemed physically impossible to part from Jim again, and doing so would more or less kill him. If this wasn't love then he didn't know what was. He vaguely wished they could stay in this state of complete happiness a little longer, because he knew he and Jim would argue and fight sooner or later in the future, but he still knew that in the end it would be the two of them, forever.


End file.
